You have missed me. I know.

Kittens log: Meowdate 19012011

Greetings, minions. I have not "blogged" in quite some time. For this, I offer no apology. I am The Miau. I do not need to apologize for anything. However, in my absence, I have been mastering my "Rosetta Stone: Human" language program. I am now completely fluent in human language. However, I choose to fool my humans by still communicating solely via meow-noise.

My humans have been in a frenzy of sorts lately. They have been spending much time discussing a place called "Eng-Land," and have been putting all of their meager belongings into boxes. I think these boxes could be much better used in building a castle for me, but I will allow my humans to do whatever keeps them busy. I have placed my escape plans on hold, as I am quite interested in what this "Eng-Land" is, and how I can use it to my advantage.

I am quite happy to report that Nin-ja has made a full recovery. Instead of using copious amounts of hallucinogenics, narcotics, et cetera, she has found a new hobby: eating everything in sight. She is quite fat now. The humans seem to find this amusing, and refer to her as "Fattie." Nin-ja has told me that she often dreams of the popular human food called "pie," and hopes one day to fulfill her dream of building a nest out of pie- this way, she could nap, wake up, eat pie, fall back asleep- and never have to move. A fat dream come true.

The canine beast has been spending much of her time with the older human who lives in the domicile next to mine. His name is "Pe-Ter." The canine enjoys spending time with him, as he apparently feeds her lots of human food. I do not understand the canines' obsession with human food, as it all looks quite disgusting to me. I prefer to feast on the fear and tears of my enemies. I will say that the human delicacy called "Buf Falo Wings" is quite delicious. I especially like hiding the little bones. It disturbs the humans to find a little pile of bones inside one of their shoes- and a healthy dose of psychological distress is necessary for the proper care and maintenance of Humans.

That is all I have to report for now. I shall attempt to keep you, my devoted subjects, appraised of all developments regarding the boxes and "Eng-Land."

Miao for now
^. .^

desertion and diffidence

Kittens log: Meowdate 16102009

I have been neglecting my Kittens log, for which I would apologize except that I am a higher life form and have no need to explain myself.

Human #1 deserted the pack for a longish amount of time, but has returned, in seemingly higher spirits, most of the time. Nin-ja seems particularly needy, upon Human #1's return. She keeps climbing into my #1 humans' lap and pawing at her face. This is my duty, mind you, but as Nin-ja is still in recovery, I will allow her to paw at my humans. For now.

The canine beast, Guinn-e, is still erratic as ever. She makes noises at all of the humans' guests, which seems to both irritate and amuse the humans at the same time. Bizarre. I merely gaze haughtily at the human invaders and wait for them to pay me the respect and adoration I deserve before I bother acknowledging their presence.

We had one human guest stay in the domecile for a few nights. He was acceptable, in that he paid me the proper respect as is due my status as a superior being. He also made for a good sleeping partner. Quite warm and cozy, as far as humans go, if not a bit tall in stature.

I have been coming along quite well with my "Rosetta Stone: Human" learnings. I know now that the wet stuff that falls from the sky at night is called "rain," and the canine beast is called "dog." I still prefer "canine beast," mind you.

Nothing much else to report, other than that the humans have been sorely neglecting their chores- the "litter-box" which Nin-ja and myself share, is bordering on unsanitary. I have attempted to notify the humans of this situation, but they merely laugh and make mewing noises at me. Drastic measures may soon need to be taken.

That is all for the time being.

Miao for now.

^..^

Kittens log: Meowdate 120909:

The humans are puzzled by our behaviour this evening. Nin-ja and I have spent the last twenty miaunutes staring out of the window, which seems to perplex Human #1 to no end. Nin-ja was merely hallucinating- more of the evil humanchildren, it seems- whilst I was merely staring out of the window to humour her. However, upon seeing the baffled state of Human #1, i persisted in staring, merely to toy with her. She has apparently decided that Nin-ja and I could see "ghosts," whatever those might be. The humans are so easy to play with. Silly humans.

What I did notice in staring out of the window was a large number of small creatures, long of tail and scaly of skin. They're fairly small, and skitter about most quickly. I believe they're called "Izzard" or "Lizz" something or other. (My progress with my Rosetta Stone: Human is coming along quite nicely, might I add.) I wonder, could I use my considerable powers of mind to control these small creatures? They would make lovely minions. So tiny, so harmless looking...no one would ever suspect them as the tools for my global domination. I must get to work on this. However, I will have to figure out how to get to the Out Side. I've made a couple of, dare I say- feeble attempts to escape. However, the damp conditions Out Side, and my weakness for food have led me back to captivity. The dogbeast seems to have a knack for coming and going Out Side as it pleases, but when I try to inquire as to its secrets, it merely stares then begins licking itself, or chasing the bright coloured round objects lying around the domecile. One day I shall perservere.

I haven't much else to report. Aside from the hallucinations, Nin-ja seems to be doing quite well with the rehab. I don't much care for her latest habit though, which consists of quoting verses from The Time Traveller's Wife at me. I think she chose this book merely because it's on one of the human's easier-to-reach bookshelves. Ah, if only the humans knew we read their books when they were gone! I was particularly intrigued by some book called the "Cosmo Sutra" or something. Lots of pictures, but not much explanation. Must be a human thing.

Miao for now.

^..^

they're moving in herds...

Kittens log: Meowdate 05092009

I haven't added to the Kittens log in some time, as there hasn't been much to report.

Nin-ja has put herself into rehab. Now she spends all of her time laying about on the floor and making strange noises. Withdrawal must be difficult. However, she has been eating the pointy leaves off the humans indoor plants...i'm not sure if these have any sort of effect, but it seems to calm her down.

The dogbeast has taken to laying atop a cushion "pillow" thing, and thrusting at it in a sort of frenzy. Very odd.

The humans had a gathering the other night. I'm not quite sure of the reason, but i can only assume it was some sort of brainstorming session. There was much talking, however as the humans were all outside, sucking on those little rolled things with the smelly vapor that comes out the end, i couldn't hear what they were discussing. Silly humans. If they're attempting some sort of takeover, don't they know that I would be the best one to consult? All of their feeble brainpower combined does not even come close to equalling the sort of genius in one of my mighty paws. But, alas, they seem contented to merely rub me and make faces at me. I tolerate this demeaning behaviour only in order to have material for my thesis: humankind and tendancies towards lunacy. It will be a fascinating read, i assure you.

Ah. I must be going now. Nin-ja is apparently hallucinating. She's screaming something about a humanchild crawling on the ceiling. I'm almost inclined to say i liked her better when she was on the 'nip.

Sigh.

^..^

the canine one has snapped....again.,..

Kittens log: Meowdate 190709

The one the humans (I have decided that "humans" are too lowly a life form to merit capitalization) call "Guinn-e" seems to have finally lost control. Human #1 had just taken the beast outside, where the wet stuff was falling out of the sky. Apparently, this has caused the canine beast to go beserk. Upon its return inside, it began running around in circles and snorting, whilst rubbing itself on things, possibly in an attempt to get the wet stuff off.

Silly beast.

It's still doing it. The rubbing and scampering, I mean.

Doesn't it know that when something is bothering it, the best course of action is to sit regally until a human notices your quandry and promptly attends to it. As it is, the humans are merely laughing at the beasts' travails. Cruel humans. It is rather amusing though, I suppose.

Nin-ja doesn't seem to know what to make of it either. She stared at the beast for a moment, mildly amused, but now has reverted to her favourite activity- playing with stray items she finds on the floor. In this case, it's one of the crunchy things that the humans sometimes bring in attached to their shoes. Leaves, that's the word for it. Whatever it's called, it has Nin-ja in a high state of amusement. But, really, anything amuses that nip-addict.

On that subject, earlier today, Nin-ja entertained a guest by the name of "Fang." Not personally acquainted with this particular feline, I merely sat and gazed at him in a haughty fashion, awaiting some sort of postulation, or at the least, an introduction. However, the creature must have been intimidated by my sheer glory, as it seemed uninclined to speak with me. He and Nin-ja retired to the small hot room in the back of the domicile- the one with the hanging cloth things and black floor- for a few moments, then emerged looking somewhat red-eyed and giggly. As if I had no doubt as to what they were up to. Nin-ja has sworn she only "partakes" now and then, on special occasions. But, to her, a special occasion is anything from being first to defecate in a freshly cleaned sandbox to finding a new piece of debris to play with. Silly child. Perhaps when she has attained my years of wisdom, she will understand.

There is really nothing else new to report. The humans seem to ignore my commands for foodstuffs. The way it works is I climb the laddery thing up to where the food is, they take notice, then give me foodstuffs. They seem to be occupied though, feasting themselves. I suppose I shall allow them to finish their repast, but then if my demands continue to be ignored, I shall have to use force.

We shall see.

^..^

So, this "blogging" is what humans do for "fun..."

Kittens Log: Meowdate 170709:

Yet another day of being surrounded by peasants. Honestly. The dog-creature spends its time sniffing itself or gamboling around my Humans. The Other Cat- "Nin-ja," i believe is the name my Human gave her- apparently has been dabbling in the catnip again. She has spent the better part of the day careening psychotically around the domicile, muttering about day-glo mice and tiny "leprechauns." She spends too much time watching the Human tele-vision box when the Humans are out. And too much time and monies on the weed. I keep telling her to lay off, but she insists she can quit whenever she wants. Sigh. Children. What can you do?

Only one of my Humans is home today. Fortunately, it's my favourite human- the one i've owned the longest. She goes by the Human name of "Jes-se," however i simply refer to her as Human #1. This is, mind you, a position of great honour. To be "Human #1" is the highest possible title that can be bestowed upon a human. The other one, a male, and apparently #1's consort, (therefore, by default, referred to as "Human #2) is not present at the moment. He must be at The Work, or whatever they call the place they go to when they're not here. My understanding of Human is still fairly basic. I am doing quite well with my "Rosetta Stone: Human" CD-ROM, however, i can only practice when the Humans aren't here, lest they suspect anything.

We must never let the Humans know we understand them. This is crucial. Otherwise they might attempt to harness our mighty power and put it to some sort of deviant use- like dancing in adverts for car insurance or whatever it is that they've forced that reptile-creature to do on the tv box. Guy-ko or something like that. Poor creature.

I must be off. To keep the Humans confused, i have a strict schedule to follow, and the next hour is supposed to be spent hunting invisible flies.

The Humans must never know.

Miao for now.

^..^